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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HORSEPERSON WHEN
by: Amy Lupek

. You have personally taste-tested your horse's treats

. Your idea of an "evening out" is a moonlit trail ride

. You have a picture of your horse in your purse/wallet

. You know your vet's phone number by heart

. You shed hay and horse hair when getting undressed for the night

. You could probably scrape a flake of hay out of your dryer's lint-trap

. You only leave home to go to work or the barn

. Collectively, your riding lessons cost more than your college tuition

. After barn chores, you go to work "to rest"

 

QUOTABLE QUOTES:

 

You cannot just go on being a good egg. You must either hatch or go bad. ~C.S. Lewis
 

 

TEN WAYS TO BECOMING A BETTER EQUESTRIAN

By: Unknown

10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Instead, shout, "Get Off, Stupid! GET OFF!"

9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll into a ball and spring lithely to your feet.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook and write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing - they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.

5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, moving hay bales is FUN!" and, "No, really, I'm glad YOUR LUCKY PERFORMANCE and multi-million dollar horse won the class. I am just thankful that MY HARD WORK and actual ability won me second place."

4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot
anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be - bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience. This is a learning experience. This is . . ."

AND THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:

1. Remember, its never the horse's fault...*